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Let’s imagine you never see your dick again

Do this little test for me whenever you get a second, would ya? When coming out of your shower, try looking down to your toes.

Can you see your dick or is your belly stopping you from seeing it?

If you can see it in all its masculine splendour right below a perfect 8-pack of steel abs and just above two perfectly formed legs capable of squatting 500lbs please stop reading this blog and do not forget to enrol in the next World Crossfit Games.

But back to reality, are you already at the stage when you are actually having to negotiate your way down there when you need to pee in order to erm… get hold of it? Does your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend have to patiently manoeuvre whenever… ok you get the gist…

Then you may want to keep reading.

Brother if that is not ringing alarm bells in your bathroom every time you need to find your manhood appendix I do not know what will. Listen, I do not want to sound condescending, but you need to take action.

Like...NOW!?!

Excess body fat has been proven to be linked to a number of conditions and I am sure you are aware of at least 75% (if not 100%) of all of them so I won’t bore you with statistics about the fact you have bought all the tickets for next Christmas heart failure/stroke raffle. I would wish you good luck in normal circumstances, but since you have made sure you have bought all the tickets then it is a done deal.

Or is it?

Reality is that it doesn’t need to be that way. You can make small changes that will help you reducing that body fat (not only around your waist but you will definitely will see improvements). Yes it will take some time so be patient. Yes many of your peeps, even family members may not understand you so be comfortable with your new chosen health path. But believe me you don’t need to be the bloke with the largest belly anymore if you are serious about respecting your own self.

Small steps:

  • Drink plain water every day. At least 8 full glasses of it. If possible 1 full glass before every meal. Plain tap water, none of that flavoured nonsense.

  • Make sure half of your plate is full with raw or steamed or boiled vegetables in every meal.

  • Stick to olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper as salad dressings.

  • Reduce the sugar on your coffee or tea until you are able to have it without any sweetener on it

  • Stop all forms of alcohol consumption from Monday to Friday (that includes Friday night pal)

  • When stressed, tired, anxious, sad, pissed off DO NOT for the life of you walk into a food shop or drive to a drive thru

  • Keep treats (cakes, bakery, doughnuts, chocolate bars, shop sandwiches, burgers, etc) as exception treats. I do not care if the guys at the office blackmail you emotionally with the “it’s only now-stop being a n arse-etc”. Treats are treats.

Ok, I get you do not want to be this uptight all guns blazing healthy guru. You’re only human. Fine. But for crying out loud start respecting your body.

Don’t give me the: I don’t like it, it’s boring, my food doesn’t taste of anything. Grow –the-fuck-up.

Do you want to drop a size or two by next Christmas?

Do you want to finally get back at the obnoxious work colleague (brother-in-law??) who keeps picking on your belly?

Do you want to be able to eventually play with your grandchildren?

Do you want to have a normal sex life?

Then pick a couple of the options above (minimum 2 of them but hey be my guest…) and stick to them for three months.

It worked for me dude.

I can see mine now. Can you see yours?

Keep strong.